Rough waters ahead

Navigating life is not at all easy. Thank goodness I have a strong stomach for all these ups and downs. The uneasy feelings, the tired days, the sleepless nights, never ending amounts of work and don’t forget the emotional breakdowns.

I really have a hard time navigating through todays life I have created. Although I know my worthiness I am sometimes left struggling with the ideas of other peoples idea of my worthiness.

Here’s an example.

I met this woman on the carnival and although she was way cooler than I was we had mutual friends. We became acquaintances. Much later in life we had children in preschool together. By now I was living in the “good” neighbourhood and classified as middle class, but I am still me and rough around the edges, am native, loud and probably inappropriate at times. We chat most every day at the school, probably to be nice I suppose, and we get talking about baseball. Sweet, I used to play first base sign me up!! She says ya, add me up on fb and lets do this. Hah! Jokes on me. I send a friend request and later a message after no acceptance accepted. After some time I withdraw my request and go on like I do. Years later, she asked a dear friend of mine who I’ve known for well over twenty years about me. Of course my friend said how cool I am, because lets be real I am fucking fabulous, and this person thought maybe I was just some skid. Trust me, no offence taken! I am so used to these stereo types. I’m native I get it all the time. From being assumed of being a drunk to a stinky carnie. All good. Fast forward, she sent me a request and I accepted because I’m an accepting type of person. Acceptance is all I have ever wanted.

The reason why I even brought up this story is proof that people judge and assume all the time, but to our face they pretend. On the other hand, there are people who don’t pretend at all! Here’s an example of this.

Last year we moved and were all of a sudden faced with making a choice. To apply to stay in catchment at the school William has been in since Kindergarten, move to our new catchment, or apply for the Fine Arts School. As much as I LOVE the school we always knew because William had friends and so did I. I didn’t want to be faced with a denial after many approvals. There was no guarantee we would be accepted every year and I would have hated to see us have to leave after bonding for so many years, imagine if we had to leave in his last year there before middle school. That would have been devastating. We were accepted into the Fine Arts School halfway through the school year which was a blessing because he loves art and can be found drawing almost always. Boy was I in for a surprise. The moms at the new school were not at all as accepting as the old school. I even introduced myself one morning to be completely shunned and have backs turned on me. Uhhhm okay, cool your loss. William no longer has a group of amazing friends and the mom group at the old school has fizzled out of my life as well.

So I do I what I do best. I write, I create and I inspire. Sometimes though I get damn lonely. People come and go and I have come to realize when asked to help or to attend an event I am always ready to go. People pleasing is tiring!

Currently I am focusing much of my time on a fundraiser I am hosting with a great friend and man is it tough!!! Do you know how hard it is to sell tickets? Especially when people say yes, but end up ignoring you. Want to know who your real friends are? Host a fundraiser lol! There’s the people who you support but would rather ignore you than support you or respectively say no. There’s the people who will continue to ask you for stuff, I call these people askholes, because you always say yes. These kind of people will always be there. Learn to say no.

Navigating through this new life is tough work. Being a business owner is tough work! But being strong enough to set boundaries and sticking to them has been the toughest to date. I declare that I will no longer put my neck out for someone that wont do the same for me, that I will continue to be a Badass and inspire change but will start putting myself first. I refuse to allow people who think they are better than me manipulate my feelings and make me feel unworthy. I AM WORTHY!

There’s a saying that it’s better to have 4 quarters than 100 pennies. This is so true! I mean my pockets would be full with all those pennies I would have to drag around. 4 quarters would be easier, less stressful, easier to deal with etc.

I move forward today ready to kick some serious ass (my own) and start moving forward with my goals. I will nurture the relationships I have made and mean everything to me and I will avoid watering the weeds.

Lastly, I would like to add I once was a judgemental asshole. Then when I started this new career path I realized I would be judged. I was essentially coming from the wrong side of the life tracks and attempting to be accepted by people who had established their lives. When this happened I really worked on the judgment factor and changed who I was. I am no longer that thug tough chick I once was. I may have a trucker mouth on occasion but all in all I am a pretty respectable person. Just remember the next time you’re judging someone ask yourself how it would feel being in their shoes. Ask yourself if you know the story they have lived? Everyone has a story. So instead of judging them ask them about themselves. You will be amazed what us humans are capable of living through and overcoming.

XX Badass Bon