Trying is lying!!
Vulnerability is sexy!!
Truth speaks!!
Honesty and full transparency is key!!
Hello, I’m Bonnie and I’m an alcoholic. Ickkkk!!! I absolutely hated saying that when I was in recovery all those years ago. When life was “figured” out. When I was blowing up as a public speaker. When I was being told I was the next big thing. I was actively trying to get on the Ellen show with my message. I was applying for Big Brother Canada yearly. Won those two titles, was authored and had it “all figured out” I WAS TRYING AND I WAS LOST!!
I began my recovery to save my marriage. Remember that one after 21 days of dating. Yea the one that should’ve never happened. Then I began drinking and I recall many being supportive in my choices because I’m an adult and I’ll do what I want, but there were others scared and those ones made me want to drink more to prove I can handle myself just fine!!
I’m ready to share the moment I chose to drink after having 3 years sobriety. My then boyfriend offered me a sip of his drink. Pina colada breezer; he said it’s really good you’ll like it. I replied, but I’m an alcoholic I told you I don’t drink. He said “Bonnie, normal people drink!” So I took a sip and boy did it taste like a damn dream. Cold, refreshing and grabbing me into its deep embrace once again. My boyfriend dropped me off at home and I waved and walked slowly to my front door. The second he was gone I went to my vehicle and drove my “normal” ass to the closest beer store. What started as a couple drinks a night because I slept so great after turned into a dumpster fire of poor choices, sleepless nights, abusive men, arguments with my children, depression and more addictions.
I also stopped speaking, stopped sharing and lost my passion for helping the world.
Seven days ago I realized I hadn’t had a drink in three days. Today I am grateful to be ten days sober!! So much greatness has happened, but this time is different than last time. I am not angry at those around me that can still drink, or choose to. I am not missing out or feel like I’m missing anything for that matter. I did it for me this time and that’s literally the only way you can make this work! I should know that considering I had alcoholic/addict parents. Also, this time is different because I opened my heart to God. I started seeing massive changes in my life the SECOND I welcomed him into my life. I am certain of so many things because of this new lease on life.
I no longer am napping, I’m waking up every morning, I’m making conscious efforts to a healthy life, I am open to forgiveness and I am gentle on myself as my recovery is not a race to those around me. I am actually so happy to live!! To heal. To love!!!!
I cannot wait to share everything else with you along my journey. Just know I’m back!! This time I’m stronger though and my foundation is being built brick by brick and by hand so I know it will be strong and cannot be broken.
So with that being said. Let’s bring back my challenges. Today we begin 100 days of gratitude on my Facebook page. I used to do 100 days of confidence, but I feel when we are grateful we are confident.
Stay Badass
XX Badass Bon