We are certainly creatures of habit. As much as I try to grow as a person and a Christian I simply keep coming upon a speed bump, and some of them are increasingly large.
Today, Joshua woke up not well and it was the day he was to bring me to the church his family attends. It was launch day of their new location with a lunch to follow. Almost all of his family would be there. I have met them all, but only once or twice, and have not built a big relationship with them yet. The thought of going without him absolutely terrified me. I was not going to go, and my mind was internally made up. Joshua encouraged me to go, and after a quick bathroom trip I came out and said “well guess that is it. Jesus just told me I had to go.” To those that have not experienced the Holy Spirit yet; you know when you know. There is no denying the God Head. I knew I should go, and I have resisted God enough. If I am going to marry this man in front of our Father I had better start doing my part as the wife. I sure am happy I went.
I was rocked today! I have been to quite a few churches, and not one of them felt the way today’s worship and service made me feel. I cannot explain the explosion inside me. The filling of my heart. The moment I raised my arms above my head and worshipped as I felt called to do. This was huge. No worry. No fear in me. No anxiety about being judged. I felt it and I found my new home church I just knew it. Following church I had great conversations with Joshua’s family. The fire for Jesus I felt was such a peaceful feeling. I think I may be doing this thing called life right. Not perfect, but definitely on the right track.
These next 34 days we are trying to learn more about each other on a deeper level. Not on a physical level, but an understanding of each other. I have never been so sure of anything in my life than I am about my new life in Christ and the upcoming marriage to Joshua. It still shocks me the change I see in myself. From the fake nails that have fallen off. To the change from my bright red hair. To some piercings being taken out. To the wearing of certain clothing. To the language change, as you can tell from previous years blogs to now, you will not read another “F” bomb again from me. To the lack of bling I no longer need to wear to feel worthy.
I leave you with this.
“I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy, I’m telling you it’s going to be worth it.” Art Williams.