Two sleeps and I am pageant ready. I am exhausted, almost packed, slightly rehearsed and ready to just go for it. I typically do everything unrehearsed so this is a walk in the park for me. Tomorrow will be a huge day but I say “bring it on!”
Short and sweet. I made the paper, and really thats why I entered the Miss BC pageant to further spread my message and so far it has paid off. So like I say dreams are not for dreaming but achieving!!
I have a major toothache, I can’t remember the last time I had an amazing nights sleep, and of course I have gotten a lot done but not everything. Did I mention I’m a single mom who runs a household full of teenagers and not only is it 3 nights to the pageant but it is the end of the school year and month which means crazy schedules and usual month end errands.
It seems when we think its too much you get a sign and boom your like heck no “I got this!” I had already seen my article for the Abby News online, but once in print it was such a boost of confidence that I am indeed doing what I am meant to. The people that reached out, who shared my article, who sent words of inspiration are my tribe. The people who are inspired by me but also inspire me. It’s a great cycle to be a part of.
Of course there are some peoples support that I wish I was receiving, but I always need to remember that people come into our lives for three things; a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Some reasons plain suck, but if you look closely you’ll see the lesson and when you can find the lesson you can grow. Like learning not all people have your back or are as honest as they say they are. I can’t change the world, or anyone for that matter, but I can improve myself and inspire change in others. And I’m not talking changing who people are, but changing what we are about. Living a purposeful life, being the change we seek in the world, just plain being badass! Why live day in and day out doing the ordinary when we can do the extraordinary and make the world a better place.
XX
Well I have been able to keep my promises to people this week and share my experiences through blogging and that is good. I have also been able to keep the 15 pounds I have recently lost off, so I feel pretty amazing about that too. It has just been hard adjusting to single life again. I have always been a single mom pretty much, but a single person not so much. Even though my relationships were never healthy it is an adjustment to go back to having no companionship.
I have been in such a funk this last month that I have once again left everything until the last minute, but after doing some research I’ve come to learn that I most likely procrastinate not because of the task at hand but the feeling I will feel when doing it. My biggest procrastination this month has been writing my chapter, but I know after it’s all written I will feel like a huge weight has been lifted. Now that I am aware of this I am going to make an honest attempt to put an end to my procrastination.
And as for companionship I am really learning how to reach out to people. Surrounding myself with people who genuinely care about me wellbeing. When we surround ourselves with positive people we tend to start acting positively, and like I always say positivity breeds positivity.
Well that is my food for thought for tonight. Check back tomorrow for more Bonnie Badass!
XX
Anxiety… This is my life on a daily. Worrying. Overthinking. It is simply exhausting, and here I am pushing through it because the alternative isn’t rewarding. I have spent so many years debilitated by other peoples opinions of me that I was trapped in this never ending cycle of trying to perfect myself.
I came to realize recently that I have formed some unusual bonds with people. People who did not like the old me, or had a skewed idea of who I was. It is this new path in life that has given me more friends than I know what to do with. To feel fulfilled by my tribe is a wonderful feeling, and I owe it all to my sobriety. Without sobriety I would still be hiding behind those big brick walls I spent years building. To think I started laying these bricks down as a young toddler.
A girlfriend said to me the other day that she remembered me as a mouthy girl. One with a bad attitude. Looking back I remember that girl and she was simply trying to fit in, yet was always thinking everyone hated her so she showed attention how she was taught. Violence and fighting. Now fast forward to today and the thought of confrontation scares me. Without those walls and booze I am actually a really kind loving person.
A reminder that everyone has a story, and some of them are really heartbreaking. I will not sit here and think about how I could have been a better if life was different because its not. I am not perfect nor will I pretend to be; I am a bit of a princess though. So yea, I am a bit of a hard person with a thick shell that can take a lot of shit, but I no longer need to. You are in my life, or you are not. So to all those people who have stuck by my side, and to all those that have come back around and all of you newcomers who say I inspire you THANK YOU! Thank you for believing in me, for understanding me and for pushing me to excellence. For the haters, y’all need to dig deep inside yourself and figure out your own stuff because I can guarantee when your liking a fulfilled life you will stop hating on others.
Check back tomorrow to see what else needs to get off my chest.
XX
I sit here just before bed making lists upon lists of what I need to get done with only 6 sleeps until pageant weekend. A weekend jam packed with rehearsals and everything required to compete. As a single mom these lists are making me wonder what kind of crazy was I when I decided to apply for a pageant. Me! In a pageant! I am not going to lie I am freaking out. There is a lot to prepare for, and as a procrastinator I am of course getting a late start. Then of course it is the last week of school with my son recieving an award, year end activities, end of the month shopping, cleaning… there is constant cleaning when running a household… and finishing my chapter that will be in the second Sacred Hearts Rising Book.
So, back to me being crazy. Since I was 14 I always thought I was too fat and I thought I was an awkward looking girl. As I grew into a young woman I compared myself to all my friends and I was never happy with what I had for body and looks. How sad as I look back at how some of us portray ourselves. Being molested as a child I never had worth for myself, and this has shown throughout my life. I chose men who never complimented me, and my worth dwindled through every failed relationship. Every time I was put down by a boyfriend I would agree with them. It saddens me how I fell into being a compliant girlfriend who believed I could not achieve better in a relationship and my life. I enjoyed the rush of fighting, yelling and I even enjoyed the times I was beaten. Violence was normal to me and I was caught in the abyss of the family cycle; the one that takes determination and a strong mind to get out of.
There’s a saying I remember hearing often ”honesty is the best policy” and so I bare myself leading up to this pageant and throughout with the determination to continue blogging regularly and to get the F out of this funk. My truth is I had a week where all I did was sleep. I was depressed. I wasn’t sad or happy just tired. Raising teenagers as a single mom is one thing, but raising ones when your not even 2 years sober is a whole other kind of parenting. One, I didn’t learn how to love in a normal way by the people who should have protected me, so I am essentially learning how to parent from scratch. Party mom was unreliable, moody and selfish. Two, I am constantly proving to myself and my children that I am strong enough to continue on this path I have chosen. Sometimes I feel defeated by the damage I have caused by being reckless and not thinking about the consequences. I really hope someone is reading this who needs to hear this. We can rise!!
I enter this week with a fresh way of thinking. I no longer need to worry about my looks and my body size because that is not what this pageant is about, or life for that matter. Today I embrace my size and am actually quite happy with many of my attributes. I am not perfect and only strive to be the best me I know how to be. It is what I offer the world that makes me special, and to those like me who have self doubt, anxiety, depression or anything that holds you back from trying I am positive you can overcome it with the right attitude, supportive tribe and determination. I am passionate about helping build others up to build strong communities. To reach dreams thought impossible.
I joined this pageant for added confidence, to embrace my beauty (we are all beautiful) and to spread awareness. I am sure I will not be the only nervous one, and I am positive that my best will be good enough. Winning is not everything in my book either; I believe every moment, decision and effort is a lesson. I will take away from this experience and continue to inspire others to Stand up, Rise up and Show up.
XX
Tonight I watched the movie Indian Horse with a friend who is very near to my heart and boy did we cry. We knew we would and that is why we brought our own box of Kleenex, boy did we ever need them. Imagine me in my seat sobbing uncontrollably while blowing my snotty nose. Yea real hot hahahaha.
On the way home we talked deeply about the historical trauma we as Indigenous people have suffered and this is no different for myself. As much as I am pained by what my parents have done to me tonight I had some compassion. We as humans have choices to make regardless of our past. I personally have made many poor choices and today I rise above them all. Although this movie was based on Residential Schools it still is closely connected to the sixties scoop. My mother was called an “ugly nigger baby that is so ugly no one could love her.” She then lived in 13 foster homes and was abused sexually by multiple persons in majority of these homes. Yes I understand her for this but she chooses to be a victim and not own up to her mistakes. My step dad is a by-product of residential schools and has many mental health issues. Why he chose to molest me is unknown, but I know he needed help. Compassion I have, but tolerance is something I hold in high regard.
As I look back on the file my mom received from her childhood I see the pain that she lived through and in turn put upon me. It is my choice to stand up and end the cycle. It is said it will take 3 generations to heal from historical trauma and so I have some work to do to ensure I help as many people as I can end their cycles. Yes it is fucking hard!! Like Saul in the movie he was triggered and he gave up his dream; became an alcoholic and was filled with anger, but he too persisted. Sounds all too familiar.
When I first heard this song it resonated deeply with me. I listen to it every single day.
Understand the following is how I feel when I listen to this song and it is the emotions and thoughts that run through my mind. I am not that broken girl anymore but I am ever so aware of my feelings regarding my life. I am 100% open and vulnerable because I know I am not alone. People message me saying my words are their words that they are afraid to speak, so maybe if I continue to bare my truth it will help others bare their own.
How much of my mother has my mother left in me?
How much of my love will be insane to some degree?
And what about this feeling that I’m never good enough?
Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood?
My ex would tell me I would grow into an ugly woman like my mother and that I was crazy like her. My biggest fear in life was being like her and being a failure of a mother. Even though I did fail in the early years as a mother who abandoned her children with her mother of all people. Would I love like her always? Like it was meaningless? And this feeling of not being good enough. I wasn’t good enough for her. I did everything to please her as a child. I would proudly show her my school work and she would get mad at me. Always disappointed. Was I destined to be a punching bag? Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in MY blood. Was I ever going to be good enough or was this my place in life.
How much of my father am I destined to become?
Will I dim the lights inside me just to satisfy someone?
Will I let this woman kill me, or do away with jealous love?
Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood?
How much of my (step) father was I destined to become? I was afraid to touch my children for years afraid people knew I was molested and if I kept that secret that made me a bad person. I did not hug my children often, but boy I won’t let go now. I dimmed my light to satisfy someone. Several people actually. I kept the secret for fear of ruining peoples lives. I felt it my duty to give up my life for others to not suffer. Jealous love; oh boy. I always loved my mom even though she had a burning jealousy of me and how my Grandma doted on me.
I can feel love the I want, I can feel the love I need
But it’s never gonna come the way I am
Could I change it if I wanted, can I rise above the flood?
Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood?
That love was not real. The marriage, the lies and desire to not be a failure. I finally stood on my story demanding the love I deserve and can give. I can change it because I choose to rise above the flood. I believe it can wash out in the water as I have family now that is not blood.
How much like my brothers, do my brothers wanna be?
Does a broken home become another broken family?
Or will we be there for each other, like nobody ever could?
Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood?
Our broken family and broken home always fell heavily on my shoulders. If I had never wrote in my diary that he was molesting me my mom never would have found out. She would not hate me for what her husband did. If I was not born she would still have her son. She never told me it was my fault, but she made it very clear the ministry advised her of giving him up as she couldn’t handle both him and me. When you hear it enough you begin to analyze it as if I wasn’t there she wouldn’t have had the choice.
I can feel love the I want, I can feel the love I need
But it’s never gonna come the way I am
Could I change it if I wanted, could I rise above the flood?
Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood?
I can feel the love I want, I can feel the love I need
But it’s never gonna come the way I am
Could I change it if I wanted, can I rise above the flood?
Will it wash out in the water, or is it always in the blood?
I love this because it is my truth and I choose to rise above. Love will come because I am no longer the way I was. I made the choice to change and now the flood is nothing mere of a puddle.
XX Badass Bon
I have been wanting to blog, but have been so unsure what to write about as my life is in a bit of chaos at the moment. Today however, I have so much to finally share about my experiences last week in Utah. No I did not become a Mormon and choose to become an American; I did make some great friends who are Mormon though and can proudly say I have learnt to stop judging and start learning. Judging is something I don’t like done to me, yet I catch myself doing to others. Lesson one, you don’t know unless you know and now I have a couple of wonderful friends who have a faith different than mine. Geez, could you imagine if we were all the same? That would be pretty boring wouldn’t it.
I spent 4 days at TYF (The Younique Foundation) retreat for adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse; say that 4 times fast lol. I walked in knowing that I had begun my healing when I got sober 458 days ago, but knew I was stuck. Like how do I move on, how do I Forgive, how do I stop fearing life, how am I different because of the trauma, and how can I become whole again?
There was only one rule while we were at this retreat. “Don’t do dishes” well isn’t that perfect. We actually were not expected to do anything. If I wanted to skip a class because I FELT I needed a nap then nap I did. On the first day I wrote this down “do you know what it is like to sit in a room full of women who have been through the same things as you? It is powerful, like walking into a smokehouse and hearing the drumming and it consumes your chest because it is like finally coming home. That’s how I feel right now sitting in a room with 23 women who have all survived a form of sexual abuse. Wow. Speechless. My tribe just got bigger, and it proves to me that I am on the right path of awareness. I am not alone. We are not alone. We are a bigger percentage than we think.”
For those wondering how beautiful this place was here is a preview.
As soon as I arrived I went to my room (called empowered) and saw all our gifts, and instantly our day started. Aside from my ah-ha moment above we embarked on a journey of Kintsugi. I say journey because for me it was. I broke my beautifully perfect bowl with a hammer and felt it break under my hand, but it wasn’t broken enough in my eyes so I smashed it some more. If this bowl was going to represent me then it needed to be in a million pieces!!! Now when I break something (which I have lost count on the amount of stuff I have broken over the years) I toss it. Kind of like how I felt about me; tossed aside. Nope, I am at a healing retreat lol so we put it back together with epoxy and gold powder to make it whole again. It was broken, and then I put it back together piece by piece. Guess what! It doesn’t even leak. It is a fully functional bowl but with pizazz now. It is actually more beautiful now than it was before.
How about food! Yell heck yea right now if you LOVE food!!! “Heck Yea!!!!” The food was amazing, and partly because I did not have to cook a darn thing. I only had to toast my bread if I wanted it. Big deal. At home I pass right through the most important meal of the day because I don’t want to cook. Not very good choices Bonnie. The best surprise would probably be the gummy bear jar and the downstairs fridge. Every night my roomie Crystle and I would go get a can of pop and marvel at how full it was and then giggle our way back upstairs after grabbing some gummy bears (okay maybe only I indulged a ton on the gummy bears) but in the morning low and behold the jar and fridge were full again!! Spoiled is an understatement!! Here I thought I would only get water because that is healthy, boy I was in heaven.
Next huge accomplishment is learning what I love and do not love. First, let me say this. If you love something but don’t think your good at it who gives a fuck! Do it anyways!! I love art. Yep you wouldn’t know it about me, but I love looking at it, respecting it, making my own assumptions about it and…… making it!!! I never participated in art because well I’m not artistic. This retreat opened my mind to accepting who I am and not caring what others think. I also realized I am triggered by touch and men. This is something I will need to work on immensely and plan on taking therapy to overcome my fears. Here is my art I choose to share with you. 
Even though this foundation kept giving me tools, lightbulb moments, a makeover, and so much more they kept giving, so in return I gave back by participating in painting a slide for their video that will represent a child of abuse becoming empowered. This necklace is my reminder of where I have been and what I got from this experience.
Now to share with you my tribe. These women come from all parts of America and I was their Canadian trooper and if we were all put together in a different circumstance I’m pretty sure we would not have became so close, but because we were all Group A and in each other’s spaces we meshed. Day 1, we awkwardly got to know each other. Night 1, some of us stayed up laughing all night. Day 2, we shared our truths and tragedies. Day 3, we were a pact and we were sisters. Night 3, some of us stayed up for hours talking of our mistakes, our hardships, our relationships. We shared insight and gave each other strength! Day 4, this was the sad part, we had to say good bye. In 4 days we became a tribe stronger than any tribe I have ever known. We would stand up for each other in ANY situation because we are a sisterhood. There has not been a day that has gone by since last Thursday where we haven’t talked. I wake up to messages first thing in the morning and their the last people who text at night. Now if that isn’t powerful I don’t know what is. If your reading this and wondering if you should apply for this retreat the answer is yes!! Go for it!! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. And so, meet my tribe including our house mom and therapists.
I may not be completely healed, and I am most definitely not perfect, but thanks to this experience I know I can change my mind, that “NO” is a complete sentence, and that I fucking matter!
And now ill leave you with a quote and my favourite pictures of myself during my stay.
“You took away my innocence but you can never take away my spirit to survive” Author unknown- a survivor
P.S. My grammar sucks as it should being a drop out by 14. I am taking applications for editors that work for high fives and coffee. ✌?
Do I have your attention? Good. If there is one thing that really grinds my gears it is parent shaming. Yes we all do it, but as a parent on the “dark” side of the parenting fence I must explain we don’t choose to be bad parents. I wouldn’t even call us bad parents but misunderstood parents. I am sure a good portion of the world has had a tough go at one point in their life, but me and who knows how many like me have had it just a little bit tougher.
Two words that hurt me to the core: INTERGENERATIONAL TRAUMA. The first time I heard this term I didn’t really understand it, but if you know me well I am the google queen, and now I get it. Here’s my rundown and understanding of it. It is trauma that runs deep through generations. It started with my ancestors and the trauma was so unbearable it gets handed from one generation to the next and the cycle repeats itself until someone ends it! Ive chosen to end my cycle, but is it too late for my children? I believe with awareness and treatment it is not too late.
So here is my understanding of my intergenerational trauma. I have only met my Moms real dad; he was a tall full African man with the last name Bryant (I joke to my kids they could be related to Kobe Bryant lol). He died of Alzheimer’s and I never really knew who he was. I also lost contact with my Aunt, who I think of often, when I was barely a teenager and my Uncle is around but I don’t know him well. My mom is a product of the SIXTIES SCOOP which meant aboriginal children uprooted from their parents and tossed into foster homes of white parents, but not just one foster home THIRTEEN of them! Then the remaining teenage years spent in Juvenile detention. Unfortunately the reasoning for thirteen foster homes, and the normalcy of many sixties scoop children being moved around is a lot is SEXUAL ABUSE. When abused in one home and looked at as a trouble maker/liar your moved, again, and again, and again.
So that is one side, then there is my Step-dad who is the only Dad I remember growing up. He was also “scooped” up, but was a “lucky” one. He was adopted into a well off family and had no financial strain in life, but his trauma began well before being adopted. His mother grew up in RESIDENTIAL SCHOOL. Almost everyone knows what happened in this era. Pretty much your a child speaking your language, living in a community where you fish, gather and hunt, and your “ripped” from your family. You are stripped of your cultural clothing, name, and tongue. You are beaten and sexually abused and taught to lose everything you’ve ever known. This generation (not all) becomes alcoholics, drug addicts, angry people who do what their taught to the next generation. Beat, sexually abuse, and even have your children drinking. My step-dad has severe mental health issues along with addiction and more.
Now, their trauma was taught to me, and please understand I grew up very lucky. I had a loving grandma, a kick ass uncle who was a giant and could throw me so far into the deep end, my aunt who was more of a sister or mother swam with me daily in our indoor pool, and teaching my other aunt how to dance to “Bust a move”. My favourite memory is blaring “Time of my life” and running in the shallow end and my aunt lifting me up like the end of dirty dancing. I was in dance, modelling, choir, and played the saxophone. My dream was to be famous and run away to California (which I did do at 16, but that’s a whole other story), but with all that good there was bad. My Grandma’s “big house” was my escape place and where I felt 100% safe!
When I wasn’t at Grandma’s I was with my parents. My mom physically abused me, and didn’t know how to deal with a child let alone one like me. I needed A LOT of attention, actually I demanded it. My step-dad was also physically abusive to my Mom when they got loaded. Oh, and my step-dad had a habit of sneaking into my room late at night for our “special time”. So, my parents trauma was learned and then instilled in me. I learned anger, abuse, neglect, and hate. I swore I would be different. Then the shame was too much to handle. I became an alcoholic at 14 and made a million mistakes along the way. Then I became a parent and did the exact thing my mom did to me. Ditched them to party, looked for love in all the wrong places, spent years in a very abusive relationship, lost custody, and became am addict.
Obviously I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t do something to change. I GOT SOBER!!! My first reason to sober up was my marriage was falling apart, and then when I got sober I realized how much I damaged my kids. A million apologies will not make my mistakes disappear but it is a start. I think being open and honest is healing not only for me, but for anyone out there who thinks they are alone, and let’s be honest I want to drink!! I yell at my kids, and sometimes I say things I don’t remember or may regret. I bet $100 I am not alone. So no stigma and no shame!
Today I have no contact with my Mom or step-dad, or really any of the family I grew up with. My fave aunt disowned me, and my other aunt and uncle are pretty busy with their lives. Needless to say I have abandonment issues, but I am building a tribe and it has a open door to anyone who would like to join. The only requirements are to want to be better, and to keep trying to be better. Not better than anyone else, just willing to be the best version of you. I have found my biological Dad who after meeting him once at 12 makes me feel whole. I love him very much. I’m so thankful that after 25 years we have reunited. I also have a Grandpa I will meet this week!! How exciting. I still yell at my children, and I still screw up parenting, but I do it less and less and I haven’t picked up a drink when that is all I can think to do in stressful times. I hope that the cycle ends here.
My resolution in 2018 is to master communication. All I have known is anger. Living with my molester taught me to communicate with anger. I will breathe instead of yell, and communicate instead of demand. I think that is a good attainable goal.
Cheers to becoming better parents and healing.
Xoxo
#FUCKSHAME
My blogging journey did not start here it actually began in 2015 when I joined the Total makeover challenge where I lost weight, learned new tools, made friends, and blogged my journey on Shape Your World Society’s platform and got votes from the public to move from 30 woman, to 20, to 10. There is so much I could write about this journey, but it would be a very long blog post. During 2015 I struggled with leaving an abusive relationship and finding my way in life, and so I found myself right where I felt I fit in doing drugs and drinking almost daily. Needless to say I did not win that year.
Fast forward to 2017. Stuck, 3 months sober, lost my brother in law to an overdose, gaining weight like crazy, undiagnosed depression, etc. So I applied for a second time to this challenge ready to give my all. No giving up in round 3 like last time for drinking, and actually finishing something with 100% effort. I made it in and 7 days later my brother died. It wasn’t even that he died that was so shocking it was the feelings his death brought out in me. The anger of my mother standing up for her mother of the year award after having almost nothing to do with Eddie in his 41 year life; a life he lived with love even though he was very handicap. The feelings kept spilling over and I came out publicly that my step dad molested me. I stopped hiding the fact I lost custody of my children at one point. I started sharing everything that shamed me. I don’t know if I would have done all this without the support of the 29 other women in the challenge and the amazing sponsors, coaches, and board members.
I made it to the final round again and my dedication drifted, but this time not because I gave up but because I no longer needed the win. I had the win already. My life, my voice, and my tribe. I have since chiseled away at my shame, guilt, and pain. I was diagnosed with ptsd, and began addressing my anxiety and depression. I started to feel self worth and I left the challenge with a group of women willing to support me along my way. One of these ladies became my ride or die; she may drink Pepsi over Coke but we can’t find our equal without a few flaws ?
I rejoined some of these ladies last night at the press release “Glog & Blog” to raise awareness about this challenge that was once in just Abbotsford. They added Langley 2 years ago, and now are opening up Chilliwack and Vancouver. If you are feeling stuck check this out and apply. You will walk away with a new found worth and a tribe of ladies who just want to be first again. In the midst of children, husbands, work, and yes shame sometimes we forget to treat ourselves. What better way than to join a challenge where you can learn to put yourself first. The greatest thing about this challenge is you don’t have to do it alone, and if you don’t make it to the end you still have support after. Win-Win if you ask me.
So bookmark this address, you can even read this years blogs… yep mine too hahaha. Applications begin December so follow them on fb.
http://totalmakeoverchallenge.com/
Thank you Shape Your World Society
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Did you know I was raised a silver spoon grandkid? Yep, spoiled to the deep core and the apple of my grandmas eye. So why did I turn down the wrong path when it looked like I had it all. Big houses, cars paid in full, dinners out, and an unlimited allowance. Well this is the secret that shouldn’t be a secret. You never know what happened behind closed doors, and you should never judge a book without reading it first.
I was full of shame! Yep, full of disgusting gut wrenching shame of how others would look at me. What people said about me. What people chose to see and conclude their opinion of me. So how is it I turned my life around? By owning my shame and giving back others shame. When I am no longer ashamed I can no longer be afraid of others opinions of me. I gave my step dad his shame back. Why should anyone who has been molested feel shame? We shouldn’t. Give that shit back to the rightful owner.
As for my shame of being a selfish mother and an addict I tossed it. Yes I still feel guilty sometimes, but not as often as I used to. When you decide to live a fulfilled life it all changes. The people around you change, your feelings change, your outlook changes, and the way you live your life change. So #fuckshame and live life!
My grandma always said I can. I must. I will. This motto can be used in your everyday life. I can kick ass in life and succeed. I must get out of bed on my bad days where I feel no one loves me. And most of all I will keep going and never give up.
So find that tribe and love them hard! If you think you don’t have a tribe come join mine!
PS I’m speaking at the event that changed my life 7 months ago. Come check it out for my full presentation on Shame and how to knock it down.
https://nj186.isrefer.com/go/vans/bonnie/
